so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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