Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
