Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
