I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Houston, we have a squirter
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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