It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize