Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He kissed a someone with a penis
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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