I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
