Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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