There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And then he peed in my hair
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