im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
