yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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