with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why are your pants in the freezer?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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