i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
