we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
