you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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