It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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