Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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