I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
