I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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