Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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