i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
