Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
