I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
