He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize