apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
