it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
