Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
