that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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