You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
