The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
