what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
