i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
