I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
