I hope mine doesn't look like that
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
