So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
