..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
