He is such a slut. More and more my type.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
