you guys were way drunker than both of me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
