If i come over, it means nothing
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
