Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
