It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
