I'm laying in your front yard are you home
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
