i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
