he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
as a side note pls kill me
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