If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
