Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
