Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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