It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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