It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
