there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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