So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
