Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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