i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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