when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
