I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
why do cheetos always look like penises
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize