I hate your face
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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