so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
