ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
