i wish my penis had a tongue
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize