i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
