you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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