So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
