Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
