it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
