I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize