my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
